A letter wrote to myself to try and tell myself what I would tell a friend going through the same thing...
Dear Me,
1. I know you've been through so much..
... deep lows, extreme highs, heartbreak, confusion and heartbreak again. Your most recent relationship started when you were in a post-relationship low. She was someone you'd crossed paths with before, same places, same time, with no recollection. But the first time you really spoke, it felt like meeting a stranger for the first time. And yet, something sparked between you. Something about it didn't feel like strangers at all.
5. When you reunited...
... there was so much hope. She said " I love you" and called you her girlfriend, made things public; all things you had been longing for all year. But the cracks came back -- worse this time -- when you discovered she's been still talking to the girl from during the split. That betrayal you felt cut you deep, shattering you in ways words can't explain.
2.Everything moved so fast;
...there was no "one day at a time" about it. From a spontaneous adventure to never really leaving each others lives since. She was the reason you got kissed at midnight on New Years' for the first time. You danced in that confusing space where you were together but not together, moments of closeness without the safety of a label. Close in proximity always, but never fully in other ways. You knew what you wanted almost immediately, her. But she wasn't ready. So you waited, hoping that she might come around. You fell hard and loved deeply. That love still lives inside you.
6. Still there's no anger...
...no shame, no regret. Anger that it didn't work out but not at her, not anymore. Because your love for her wasn't about possession or control. It was real, raw, and authentic. Your love may not grow anymore. but it won't lessen either. It's a quiet fire that lives inside, steady and true. What did you learn?
That loving someone doesn't mean losing yourself. That love is not always enough to make things work. That you boundaries are your lifeline. And the most vital lesson -- you have to be enough for yourself first.
You're still healing and learning to hold this love gently, without breaking. And that's ok.
3. But the love alone wasn't enough...
...never will be, and although you see that now, you still tried. Sleepless nights, blurred boundaries, heartbreak moments that repeatedly wore you down. You fought fiercely for something that wasn't fully there. You became exhausted, losing sight of who you were in the battle.
7. And remember...
... she will always have the biggest smile you've ever seen. A smile full of light, mystery, confusion and sometimes bitterness -- a smile you couldn't always understand. Sometimes, it mocked or goaded when you most needed tenderness. But no matter what, it was hers and will forever be the biggest.
4. Ending it was the hardest choice...
...you didn't want to, but you had to save what was left of you. On paper, with all the hurt and pain, it shouldn't have felt hard as it was the right thing to do. But it....hurt. Bad. You had to stop losing yourself choosing something undefined. You took a month apart, spoke to others, and even left the country with someone else, hoping change or distraction would heal your broken heart. But your thoughts never left her. Always her.
8. So be patient...
...and kind to yourself. Your worth isn't defined by how others treat you or by a love that wasn't mutual, or going to last. Healing is a messy, beautiful journey. You are brave for loving so openly, and you deserve to love yourself just as fiercely.
Hold onto this truth -- you did your best, loved authentically, and you will be oaky.
Closing Reflection...
This chapter, with all it's pain and beauty, teaches you something no book or manual ever could -- that love it complex, sometimes contradictory, and often doesn't follow the story you imagined. Yet within all the twists and turns you have grown stronger and clearer. The wounds may still ache, but each day you are choosing yourself, your healing, and you future.
You might still have no answers, and the path ahead may feel uncertain. But there is an incredible power in moving forward with honesty and grace, holding the past tenderly without letting it define you. Remember, the fiercest way love you will ever know must start within, and you are worthy of every ounce of it.
So, as you close this letter today, take a deep breath and embrace the hope that tomorrow bring -- a fresh chance to be gentle with yourself, to keep learning, and keep loving, starting with you.
With compassion and strength,
Me
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